| Mar. 11th, 2009 @ 01:28 pm Angel of Mercy Test: FAIL |
|---|
Ya know it seems most of the stuff I post upon here is me whining about how fucktastic my own life is...
Maybe I should get a new life.
Anyway... the topic. Catches the eye eh? Well I'm about to tell a bit of a story here that could get me called down for being some sort of evil fuck stick. But all I can really say is fuck off.
You see there's this dog that wanders around my neighborhood. Well former neighborhood if you must be precise; but I'll get into that later. He's a cute fella; looks to be mostly sheep dog with some shep thrown in for good measure.
Well the other day he got hit by a car.
That's bad enough but the real tragedy is that he wasn't dead on impact. He kind of drug himself to the median. That's where I found him. At first I just kind of passed by, not really noticing the full extent of what was going on. I took a minute for it to click and for me and for me to turn around to check him out. He was panting hard, bloody as hell, and not really responsive. Didn't look badly mangled but he was hurting bad.
And that's when I decided to kill him.
This is the part where some people will probably start throwing down the outrage. But let me give you a little heads up. There' a real problem around here involving the veterinarians. Namely if you don't have cash in hand your shit out of luck. Two years ago my Siamese had a stroke or an aneurysm, I can't be sure which one. All I can tell was that he was on the way out. My mothers a vet tech and she told me that his symptoms were consistent with such thoughts. The tragedy here is the fact that none of the veterinarians in the area would even talk to me about putting him down with out cash in hand. It's not like it was expensive, it's about $40 worth of injectable poison... But instead my poor cat got to suffer for about eight hours before his body fully shut down. He cried till the last. The rather strong mental anguish I had to endure, while significant, is not really of concern to myself.
This was the second time in my life I failed the Angel of Mercy test... I don't really care to talk about the first.
But back on target; I have now failed the test a third time. I didn't shoot him right then. I didn't even have one of my pistol with me, but I could have easily went home to retrieve one. The reason I did not do this was because I was afraid. You see he was hit in front of a convenience store. And busy one at that. I was afraid of being arrested for cruelty to animals. Logically speaking I doubt that would really be pressed as an issue. But that nagging fear kept me from doing what I feel is my duty to minimize suffering. I could have used a blade to do the deed... but I'm not that strong I'm afraid. Strong of will that is. My own personal punishment in this was that I was plagued by nightmares (last night) of broken guns, wrong caliber ammo, and suffering creatures that cried out for relief. I suppose this was a good thing in and of the fact that it gave me the steel to do what I should have done to begin with. Well even so when I went back to where he was the decision was out of my hands.
He wasn't there. Like, not physically there. There was blood, not a huge amount, but significant. Couldn't see any drag trails either. He was laying near a drainage pipe that he could have crawled up into. But I was unable to see him in it with my flashlight. If he was that hurt I don't see him crawling that far up into it. But who can say...
I suppose this could be a good example why it was best that I didn't put him down. But even so I can't help but feel like I have failed somehow. After all he still maybe somewhere, mortally wounded and on the edge of death... But for now I choose to hope that he'll recover.
Well anyway; not that I've hammered out a full page or two of angst I might as well give an update as to what's going on in my life. I'm still driving a truck but I have finally managed to move out from under my mother and step father. For now me and my younger brother share a place a mile or two away. Nothing especially fancy. But it's a quiet place.
That's about it for now... I'll see about posting more often this year. |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
therealfatninja's journal
